Running towards my first 10K

More preparation: 

Having acquired 'proper running shoes'. my mind was on to more acquistions in the name of 'running'. I bought the 'Apple watch' to monitor my pace and bought a 600 dollar ear buds for listening to music while running. I understand that I am not the example of a perfectly formed male, but I was surprised that the asymmetry in my body extended even to my ear canals. The left sided ear bud refused to stay in place for more than a few seconds. While I was busy scratching my nose, the earbud popped out and rolled into the nearby drain. With 300 dollars down the drain and the other 300 dollars in my right ear, I returned home. After a lot of research I came across the bone conducting earphones. They sit on the mandible and are stable unless I break my mandible. The downside is that one hears all ambient sounds and your childhood friend can still scare you with a loud 'Boo' from behind.

Now that I am well settled with shoes (and socks), music and apple watch, I turned my attention to the attire. I bought an ultra-thin, ultra-light t-shirt and shorts meant for running. They were so light that they deprived me of the tactile sensation of cloth over my body and I constantly worried that I will step out in my underwear accidentally. So I constantly kept pinching them to ascertain their presence.

The build up to running: 

For a beginner runner, the hype surrounding the preparation is more important than the run itself and perhaps lasts longer than the run.

Before I start of, I have a check list-Water bottle with water ; Apple watch -charged; House key; Earphones- charged; wearing shorts and t shirt (physical verification by sight and touch); wearing shoes and socks. I usually dip my hand in the upper drawer containing my socks and pull two out and wear them. Sometimes right foot gets ankle socks and the other foot a long socks or one is nylon and the other cotton etc in various permutations and combinations. I quietly sneak out before my wife wakes up and forces me to change one of the two socks.

Then the warmup: 

I never understood why I should be warmed up since I am not a cold blooded animal nor a cold blooded killer. However, I realised that on waking up early in morning, most of the daily chores are performed in automatic mode with brain cells still sleeping and the ascending reticular activating system not activated (believe me, if I tell you that I complete some of the unfinished dreams during this time mostly trying to bring them to a satisfactory conclusions. eg. saving the world like superman; getting rid of vermin of the society by the flick of fingers etc). I am fully awake only after the cup of hot tea scalds its way down my gullet and after the warm up exercises (warmed from inside and outside). Without this I am more like a zombie and may look silly falling into an open manhole or wandering into the neighbours large campus with pitbulls and Rottweilers only to be torn to pieces and needing reassembly by an expert plastic surgeon.

The first kilometre: 

The first kilometre is a killer. Several time in this period there is a strong urge to return home, sit in an easy chair, put up the feet and say loudly 'to hell with running'. The incessant complaining from the legs and feet reaches a crescendo and remains at this level for the next 2-3 kms. If both legs are symmetric in their complaint it is still OK. But most often they seem to take turns in tormenting the brain. At the same time, the toes also compete with each other in becoming either numb or hypersensitive. I certainly sympathise with the poor brain-' whose complaint should it concentrate on'. I often wonder if it is possible to skip the first kilometer and directly run the second or even the third kilometer first. It is again during the first kilometer that music suddenly stops or the song that I am particularly trying to avoid comes up in the playlist. When one's mind is thus distracted, the eyes miss the stones that appear to be strategically placed on the road with the sole aim of tripping the runners. 

Breathing while running:

Then the lungs suddenly declare their presence with a bang through their mouth pieces (nose and mouth0. Suddenly the apertures god has provided for air entry seem to become very inadequate. Have you ever watched the face of people when they are running. The professionals look as if they are on a gentle evening walk- gracefully running and having a continuous conversation same time. But beginners like me start puffing even by the first kilometer. The face goes through violent changes between breathing in and breathing out.  If I try to supply oxygen through the nose, the lungs rebel and on their own open up another aperture- the mouth. As long as I can inhale through the nose and exhale through mouth, the face looks relatively placid barring the intermittent pouting of the mouth. But when there is random entry and exit of air through various apertures, the face undergoes violent transformation- a la Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde and passers by avoid coming too close to me- ' gives them the jitters' they say. 

The obstacle course:  

Selecting the route for running became a big exercise. The nearest public park has a small perimeter of about 250 mtrs. Running even one kilometer there makes one giddy as if one is placed in a revolving chair and given a spin. The road/ foot path is a veritable obstacle course. One has to contend with the periodic steps up and down from road to foot path and back; the not so periodic uneven tiles on foot path; the strategically placed pot holes on the road and the ubiquitous rectal discharges (canine, bovine and occasionally from young homo sapiens). The canine output is compact and tends to stick to the shoe needing dislodgement with a dry tree branch, but the bovine output (especially when fresh) is more spread out, green and can convert your 'running session' into a ' skating session'. 

As you see, running on this course is like playing 'hopscotch'. In addition to stationary obstacles, one also comes across two varieties of mobile obstacles. There is this pack of street dogs full of beans early in the morning chasing the vehicles and runners alike. They may be just trying to say 'Hello, Good morning'. But one does not want to check whether they will seal the friendship with a friendly lick or a juicy bite.  The other mobile obstacles are the speeding vehicles. These drivers believe in two ideologies- that of the bull dozer and the crow. Like a crow, their route is a straight line between where they are and their intended destination and like a bull dozer, any thing in between is worth being knocked down. Unless one wishes to be carried off on a stretcher, one keeps a keen eye on these dashing James Bonds. 

The auditory and olfactory interludes:

One is never bored while running- with the frequent interludes provided by the sounds and smells all around. Of course you may have to slow down to catch some of the conversations. There is this ' panel discussion' on the recipes for 'Rava idly' among four women with the youngest with least experience being the most vocal. Then there is this old man speaking to his wife on mobile phone (actually he does not need the phone. I am sure his wife can hear him clearly across the colony). The entire vicinity has been warned of the impending visit of his mischievous grandson and what all his wife has to hide before his arrival. I also had this strange experience of my right ear feeding 'Vishnu Sahasranamam' and left ear feeding "T M Sounder Rajan's old Tamil Song to my confused brain when I tried to find my way between two gentlemen who believe in freely sharing their auditory indulgence with the society at large.

The olfactory interludes range from smells of fresh food being cooked (from roadside eateries) to Jasmine flowers from a creeper en route. I probably would not have mentioned about the 'other strong smells' but for the fact that these locations serve as important olfactory markers for my run- the 3rd, 5th and 7th km. the 3rd kilometer is marked by pure smell of concentrated human kidney output. The 5th kilometer is marked by the strong smell from an open drain and the 7th kilometer is marked by a mixture of smells from human kidney output and cow rectal discharge (an enterprising person has converted a segment of the footpath into the housing for his cattle). As you can see without my apple watch and GPS, I can still track my running- courtesy these important olfactory markers.

The first cramp: 

I never knew what a 'real cramp' was until it hit me one day when I crossed the 5 km mark for the first time. The cramp seems to take pleasure in giving me advance intimation by way of few random twitches and then voila it hits you. I howled like a wounded animal and was limping back home. A few minutes later the cramp disappeared, emboldening me to start running again.  This time it hit me real hard as if saying, 'When I hit you, you stay hit and do not disobey my orders'. Now I crawled back home with the motto-'better to live first and then fight another day'. 

Post running:

 I seem to sweat by the buckets during and after the run. Fortunately my nostrils are so overwhelmed by the olfactory fatigue, that they lost all sense of purpose. However, I do know that I must be radiating the odour by the way people give way to me and the way my wife's nose twitches when I reach home. For next half an hour I am steaming literally and even a change of dress does not make me feel dry. so, I am banned from sitting on any chair or sofa that has cloth on it. I end up sitting on a foot stool till I am ready for the bath- during this time I feel like 'Dennis the Menace' who is being punished by his mother - sit in a chair and face the wall. During this time I upload the run into my 'strava app' and expect every one of my contacts to give me kudos the next minute.  I end up checking every minute till I am firmly pushed into the bathroom. 

Next on to my first half marathon......