And on to half marathon

Having successfully done 10K a few times, I was itching to have a go at a half marathon. The task did look daunting. For one it is more than twice the distance I have done so far, and I was not sure whether my age will permit a quantum jump. So I read several articles and blogs. Most said there is no age bar for half or even full marathon. However, there were a few reports of sudden death in some long distance runners.i.e one starts the run and either finish the run or the run finishes you off. On the flip side, that is perhaps a good way to go- no hospitalisation, no tubes down the throat and no worry of insurance coverage. So with no worry for this or my next life, I started preparing for my first half marathon.

Is it 'half marathon' or a '21.1Km run': 

Calling it a 'half marathon' gives one an exalted feeling that we are already on the half way mark of a future goal (which may never be achieved). However calling it a '21.1km' is rather odd. Why the decimal?. If King Edward VII did not insist on the run ending near the royal box in 1908 London olympics, the full marathon would probably have been a rounder figure like 40 or 42 Km. 

The preparation:

I read the literature and asked multiple advises. That was the biggest mistake. Suddenly you find that every body you know becomes an expert- even those who never ran in their life. My potbellied friend advises me to lose weight so that I can run faster. My neighbour who ambles around with a walking stick advised me to run up and down stairs 3 times a day to strengthen my joints. My politician friend tried teaching me tricks to get medal and certificate without actually running.

Familiarising with the route:

I drove along the proposed route of the race to check for the terrain and landmarks like an army general planning his campaign. Major land marks I made note of were 1) A guava tree with two broken branches, 15 leaves and no fruits 2) a large pot hole of about 2 metres diameter that I christened as 'Bone breaker'. and 3) An old truck with no wheels or engine and now serving as the residence for a cat, a squirrel and a crow. I needed these landmarks to avoid missing the route and accidentally converting a half marathon into a full marathon. The route goes through a village and returns to the starting point after making a roughly circular loop. The village road is more like a a trail rather than a road with an average width of 20 feet (but ranging from 6.5 to 30 feet). The auditory back ground included the 'moo' of the cow, the 'baa' of the goat, the 'bow vow' of the street dog and 'yap yap' from the villagers - all in multiples. The olfactory back ground was a mixture of favourable (roadside tea stalls and flowers) and unfavourable smells (mostly from alimentary and kidney output of humans and animals)- sometimes competing with each other and at other times wafting into the nose in pure form. unfortunately these cannot serve as land marks since the olfactory landscape seems to change too frequently and often repeats itself.

The running kit: 

The organisers issue a kit containing the all-important bib having a chip that is sensed by strategically placed sensors. If anyone has ideas of cheating (tutored by their political friends of course)- of crossing the starting line, hanging around in the vicinity and crossing the finish line to create a record breaking timing- forget it. There are one or more sensors placed at additional points in the route. However for professional cheaters, one avenue can be explored- pinning their bib on the back of the official pacers (surreptitiously of course)- wait near the finish line- retrieve the bib when the pacer reaches the finish line (again surreptitiously of course)- and cross the line. A sweat less marathon completed. I foresee one problem however. If there are multiples of such professional cheaters, the official pacers' back will be covered with bibs and there will be a scramble at the finish line to retrieve them. 

Do I see a frown on your face dear reader? Are you forming a bad opinion of me? Rest assured. I intend to run the 21.1 km completely even if I reach the finish line the next day. 

The Pecking order:

Most races have distance printed on the bib. Careful observation will reveal that the longer a person is booked to run, the skinnier he or she is and the loudest noise is made by the people running 5Km- especially the first timers (for some of these it will perhaps be the last time as well!).

The rush for the loo:

In the last 15 mts before the start there is frantic search for the loo to have a comfortable and distraction free run. The closer to the start time one gets, the longer is the queue and guys keep shifting their legs both from anxiety and bladder pressure. Once they are in the toilet, the thought that there are several people waiting outside for their turn must be having an inhibitory affect on the bladder evacuation process - at least for the elderly men. There was an interesting study where hidden sensors recorded the flow when men are using a public loo and found that the flow suddenly slows down when another person stands next to them.

If one misses using the loo before the run, some races provide mobile toilets in between. If there are none and if the run takes you through fields or villages, one is spoilt for choice. However, answering nature's call on the wayside in a village has its risks. In trying to find the best place (hidden from other runners), one may have go deep into the bushes and run the risk of scratches from thorns or insect bites (that too in the wrong places!).

The run

The spectrum of humanity among runners is as diverse as humanity itself. One finds people who are in a perpetual hurry to overtake any one ahead of them. Some of them burn their fuel too soon and may have to retire from the race prematurely. For some, it is an occasion to make a statement - such as running in a saree or dressed like Chhatrapati Shivaji etc. Barring the obviously obese people, the size does not seem to indicate their agility. One not so slim (politically correct word) girl surprised every one with her brisk pace. The meteorologist said there will be no rain. Hence the skies opened up to give celestial blessing to every body.

The human biogas: 

I read somewhere that while running, the abdomen with its contents also moves leading to some feeling of bowel movement and mostly gaseous emission. A thought struck me whether this power of gas emission can be used to the advantage of the runner - following the Newton's third law of motion. Alas, I realised that if it were true then the runner will be hopping up and down at intervals since the trajectory of the gas emission is downwards and not backwards. However, one thing good for the runner is that he need not be worried about the occasional thunder that accompanies the emission unlike when they are in a closed conference room, elevator or facing an interview.

Dear reader, I see a look of disapproval, nay disgust on your face for this digression into what you believe should not be discussed in public. I argue that I am only discussing physiology. However, I see your point and let us get on with the run.

The second half of the half marathon:

Once one crosses 10Km, the mind is already on the finishing line. One can see the change in the gait (occasional limp due to cramps), change in expression on the face (tiredness replacing enthusiasm), increasing intervals of walking between runs etc. By 17th km, one starts to wonder what made one to register for a sport where you pay to struggle. The pace briefly picks up when volunteers make remarks like-'well done uncle'. The pace picks up better when one is overtaken by some one looking elder to you. But the best device to accelerate a waning run is a chasing dog on the street.

The finishing line:

Contrary to expectation of a reception party loudly cheering you on, one comes across a bunch of volunteers waiting irritably for the last few runners to cross the finish line before the race is officially closed. So I have a hidden tape in my mind which is on an auto-replay mode for the last part of the race till and after I cross the finish line. It says,'Great job uncle, You beat the world record for half marathon for 69.25 yr old Indian male of 5feet 3inches height, white hair and a scar on the right thigh' (difficult to be wrong eh!). 

The post run formality:

Once the run is over, the most important thing is to take a picture with the medal against the poster that reads 'I am a 21.2K finisher' and put it up urgently in the Strava app for all friends to see. Suddenly I remember that my wife is waiting for a call to confirm that I am OK after the race. Another 15 mts delay and alarm bells will ring with first calls to me and if I fail to respond, calls to police to trace a 69.25 yr old 5 feet 3 inch Indian Male with white hair and a scar on the right thigh. That should narrow down the search.