Being a vegetarian

Who is a vegetarian?- If the definition is 'inclusive' such as 'anyone who eats vegetables'- then it applies to everybody and not just to 'rabbits' among us. Conventionally of course the term is more 'exclusive'- to indicate those who eat only vegetables. A more generous definition would include those who eat eggs and perhaps those who occasionally indulge in chicken/meat-eating on the sly.

God has denied canines to 'Rabbits' but gave incisors in addition to canines to the carnivorous animals- apparently even the big cats need the incisors to scrape the meat off the bones. By virtue of possessing both incisors and canines, man is equipped to be a meat or a vegetable eater. So it it appears to be a matter of choice to stick to only vegetarian food- a rather personal choice.

I was born in a traditional vegetarian family and stuck to vegetarianism throughout. I had of course many relations who on the sly or openly indulge in meat eating. I must say they look forwards to these opportunities and often self invite themselves to their obliging friends' houses to gorge the meat. 

The disadvantage of being a life long vegetarian struck me when I first travelled abroad way back in 1987. The air hostess  tried to convince me that chicken and fish are indeed vegetarian food. I attended a dinner meeting in USA and ended up chewing some lettuce, drank a lot of coke and filled my stomach with dessert (the host was wondering what happened to all the ice cream). 

One day I went to Mc Donald outlet and asked for  a 'veggie burger'. The lady at the counter looked at me up and down as if I was from Mars or Venus- shook her head horizontally- spat the words 'not available' at me- looked beyond me and said 'next'.  I waited for a while on the side till she was free and requested her to place cucumber instead of meat and give me the burger. She agreed, but mutterred- ' crazy guy he wants to pay for the burger but wants the meat out'. She was confused as to how to bill me and called the supervisor and told the story. He blurted out- 'poor fellow'- 'no meat'- 'no charge'. Bill him only for the coke. I was not sure whether I should be happy to have saved some money or feel chastened at being called 'poor fellow' because I cannot eat meat. 

I was in HongKong in 1990. In the hospital canteen where I used to work there was only one dish that qualified for being 'vegetarian'. Basically it had the entire plant boiled and served- roots, stem and leaves together. I sprinkled liberal quantities of salt and pepper and set out to enjoy my 'rabbit meal'. I had tough time to pick the fibre from between the teeth (my teeth unfortunately are aligned like a typical 'Indian queue' with each member trying to outsmart the other to step out of line). I wished I had a 'ruminant stomach' (like a cow) so that I can chew the cud and digest the cellulose better.

Some one suggested to me to order egg-fried rice. To my dismay I found that it was peppered with shrimp while technically still 'egg-fried rice'. I learnt to specify- no meat, no fish or shrimp after every order.

My Chinese friend argued with me. He said 'I eat chicken and you eat egg'. i.e I eat the mother and you eat the 'unborn baby'. What is the difference? Well I had no answer and so chewed the cud (idiomatically speaking). My friend took me to a Chinese vegetarian restaurant. Every thing was pure vegetarian- only it is made to look, feel and taste like non-vegetarian stuff- 'Mock meat', Mock chicken' etc. My friend was disappointed that I could not enjoy the meal.

Vegetarians can sometimes become accidentally non- vegetarians. In the past, rice on occasion used to have rice weevils or Indian meal moths (fortunately rare now a days). Once cooked with rice, they may be difficult to identify - especially for the weak sighted or an adult not having his/her near glasses and thus contribute to their protein diet. In one flight an old lady was accidentally served chicken rice instead of vegetarian rice. She kept complaining that the vegetables are not well cooked and are rubbery. The air hostess calmly replaced it with what she explained 'better cooked vegetable rice'.

From the biologist's perspective, mushrooms (which are Fungi) are neither plants nor animals (post 1969 adoption of the new classification). Fungi resemble more animals than plants at molecular level since they lack cellulose, have chitin walls and do not photosynthesise. Hence one needs to ask the veracity of the 'vegetarians' who consume Mushrooms? Are they deriving vicarious pleasure in eating mushrooms which are closer to animals than plants or should we perhaps permit them this indulgence by giving a new label- 'vegefungism'. 

My philosopher friend and I have argument of why vegetarianism? He says it is wrong to kill a living thing even for eating. I counter saying- plants are also 'living things'. Eating fruits is OK- they are there as an offering by the plants to us to help in the dissemination of seeds. Even her we cheat the 'poor plants' by sending the seeds down with the toilet flush rather than dropping them off at the nearby field (as used to be done by our fore fathers). However, chopping off the branches and uprooting the entire plant and cooking it is tantamount to ending the plant's life. We also control the plants that we want to grow and exterminate (terminate the life of) the weeds who have equal right to grow. What about the deliberate cultivation of 'seedless grapes'- the entire production is targeted only for the human's selfish purpose with no possibility of natural propagation- a la 'forced slavery'? 

My philosopher friend continued his argument (albeit less aggressively). He said 'God created plants to feed animals including humans'. I countered that 'God also created a food chain where large fish eat smaller fish and large animals eat smaller animals etc. Since man is at the apex of this food chain and also has freedom to choose between vegetables, meat or both- we are back to the beginning of my argument -i.e this choice is dictated by opportunity, like and dislike, faith and belief and sometimes affordability and so strictly a personal choice- with no right or wrong about it. 

After all the plants also eat animals- the Nepenthes species can consume animals as large as rats, mice, small birds and even baby primates. Thank God that human eating plants have not as yet been identified unless one goes to see 'Audrey' in 'Little shop of horrors' or go the centre of the earth like Brendan Fraser in 'Journey to the centre of earth'. 

Vegetarians can raise a dog with vegetarian food since it is omnivorous but cannot raise a cat  with vegetarian food since it is an obligatory carnivore. Either they give it commercial cat foods (which contains meat) or turn a blind eye when the cat brings a rodent and eats it in their house (rather difficult to turn a blind eye!).

At the end of all this argument and discussion I found my philosopher friend biting his nails (and spitting them out of course). I told him not to accidentally bite of small pieces of skin around the nails and swallow as that that would amount to a variation of cannibalism! He was startled and bit his tongue and swallowed his own blood- indeed an act of 'self cannibalism'!