Vacation to 'down under'

I never understood why Australia is called 'Down under' as if north pole means top of the earth and south pole the bottom as we see in the models of globes displayed in schools. Australians should protest and model globes should be placed the other way around in Australia and they should call Norway and Canada as 'down under'. I somehow resent the unnecessary use of the words 'down and under'. Words like 'downtrodden' and 'underdog' immediately bring to mind 'injustice' and 'relative incapability'. 

Corals of the reef- here we come. So saying we packed the sunscreen (reef safe), sunglasses, cap, swim suit (although I cannot swim) and shorts. We practiced some Australian accent. The cab driver in Brisbane asked us 'Did you come to Australia to- die (today)'. I blurted out that I have no such intention and wish to go back alive and kicking.

Our trip to the reef started by a boat to the pontoon. According to the tour guide, the boat ride was very smooth since only 5% puked en route. I was eager to do snorkelling - having been misguided by the wonderful videos shown. The dive and snorkel instructor asked me- ' can you swim'. I said -' I can drown well'. Without much struggle I can reach the bottom of the ocean. She said-'Oh nice but then I will lose my job. So let us stick to Helmet walking for you'. The instructor explained various hand signals and the last one she elaborated was that - if the hissing sound stops it means there is no air supply and one should signal by moving ones hand across the throat- as in decapitation. I thought that was very encouraging. One is given an opportunity to signal that one is going to die before actually dying. The guide then used fish feed to make the fish come in front of the helmets for us to see. The fish came right against my helmet and looked at me with its unblinking eyes and shook its head- seemed to be disapproving of the quality of fish feed.

My wish to participate in the snorkelling was fulfilled at another place where there was one instructor/guide per every 4 people including non swimmers. The guide had one life ring to which a rope was tied and four of us hang on to the ring for our dear life while she pulls us along into the deep waters to show us the corals. Looking at this thin Chinese girl, I wondered how she will manage 4 grown up panicking adults. For a non swimmer- everything appears to be a problem. Water keeps going into the mask and when I try to take the mask off and spit the water out, my entire body becomes limp and curls upwards in the wrong direction. The poor guide had to physically push me back towards horizontal plane. The cajoling way she continuously addressed us was more like a mother helping the baby to walk for the first time. That she could keep the combined panic reaction of 4 grown up adults under control speaks volumes of her competence. I am sure at some stage or other, the idea would have crossed her mind- to remove the life jackets and let the troublesome adults sink. 

All along I was thinking of my unfinished agenda- should something happen to me. I forgot to redeem my credit card points which will now expire at end of the month; I forgot to encash a 5-rupee gift voucher. I was worried about who will collect my shoes that I gave for repair and most importantly I forgot to have a haircut. Prettty soon the coral viewing was over and we were pulled back towards the shore. Once my feet touched terra firma, my thinking process totally changed. The prayers were felt no longer necessary- so the transmission to god almighty was switched off. I tried to replay the mental video of the corals that was registered sub consciously (while my conscious mind was mulling over the unfinished agenda in case I sink to the bottom of the ocean). The imagery now appeared vivid with bright colours of the corals, the waving fingers of the sea anemones, the spikes of the starfish and the giant clam closing its mouth. It is possible that some post processing of the mental imagery took place in my mind making the colours look extra bright. 

Next we went on a glass bottomed boat and a semi- submersible. Here I was bravery personified until the guide started to explain the use of life jackets in case of need to abandon the boat.  Through the glass we could see several fish and some sharks. One shark kept pace with the boat and seemed to challenge us to come out and join it.  I assured it that we have other sharks on the land to contend with- the land sharks, the loan sharks, the card sharks and the business sharks- all more dangerous than the sharks in the water.

On the deck I saw a notice with a drawing of a man falling down and warning letters in red -'Beware- slippery when wet'. To me the drawing looked more like a demonstration of how to fall if one were to slip-Right leg in the air; left leg slipping on the deck; both hands out in front and panic expression on face. The drawing does not illustrate what may follow next- broken hip or coccyx or a slide into water and become a meal for the sharks. 

In Australia, even while walking outside the resort one sees notices of warnings regarding crocodiles. I started to imagine what I will do if a crocodile catches my leg and drags me into the water. The best idea I got was to recite to the crocodile my blogs- the croc will die of laughter and I will be saved. 

We went to Kuranda trip on a skyrail and returned on a scenic railway.  In the scenic railway trip, the guide explained to us that the compartments we were travelling in were made in the year 1900. When we sat, our knees bumped against that of the tourists sitting opposite. Perhaps Australians were much shorter in the year 1900!  Opposite to us were 4 Japanese students who slept through the entire train journey with one man's shoulder supporting another's head and also acting as a receptacle for the dribble. Yet, I am sure they will generate an excellent report of the scenery that went past them while they slept- courtesy Chat GPT. 

Now that we came back home without drowning, or be eaten up by the sharks or crocodiles- I completed my unfinished agenda including having haircut. However we were so exhausted from the vacation that we applied for 2 days leave to recover from it.